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Post by aaa-appreciator on Mar 17, 2018 3:04:07 GMT
Upon which a loud shrill cackle was heard, much like that of Salacious Crumb’s but in fact turned out to be that of Chris Bellman, the talented yet duplicitous engineer who was now making monies from STeVe’s bands-of-choice refuddled project subjects. Suddenly, he heard a familiar sound....
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Post by AnalogRearEnd on Mar 17, 2018 3:59:08 GMT
Tape. Hiss.
Minty such.
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Post by thepeopleschord on Mar 17, 2018 5:11:45 GMT
Crying and shaking, STeVe screamed "Belllllllllmannnnn!!!!!" as his eyes rolled back in his head. . .
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Post by Wanklein on Mar 17, 2018 10:23:07 GMT
Just as STeVe thought he would take his last breath (but smiled menacingly at the thought of his RIP thread on his forum) he remembered his magic toe nail. He rubbed it three times and said the magic words:
"By the power of Tonmeister, minty vinyl and tubey goodness save my brilliant, talented soul"
Hoofer suddenly found himself transported into the studio of Dr Groove. He breathed a sigh of relief but then saw an eight foot Barry White approaching him.
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Flat Transfer
Terry Kath
Providing DR numbers for the EK 34188, DIDP 20006
Posts: 484
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Post by Flat Transfer on Mar 17, 2018 12:52:30 GMT
"Gimme a high five!", ordered Barry. STeVE proceeded to raise his hand, but immediately felt BW's strong grip around his wrist. With one quick swoop, he was back on the ground again. Dr Groove entered the room and said, "Damping factor is about the accuracy of woofer control, the "grip" so to speak, it has nothing to do with cone excursion or bass output. Rogue's hybrid amps have a very high damping factor but they produce little bass output at low volumes. It's like a handshake. People can have a firm hand shake and barely move their arms (the woofer cone) or the opposite, or any ratio thereof, but one doesn't equate to the other. Now, let's settle this little matter here".
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Post by screendump on Mar 17, 2018 18:03:05 GMT
Suddenly, in a blaze of celestial light a chorus of tiny James McCartney cherubs descended and Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, the husband and consort of Queen Elizabeth II and weighty member of the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg, roller skated in and embraced STeVE, declaring, "I am your fahthah… and these are your spirit brothers who will now guide and protect you forever" and handed him a lifetime All You Can Eat pass for the Celebrity Booth in the Buckingham Palace canteen
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Post by graucho on Mar 17, 2018 19:10:54 GMT
"Gorts! come quickly and remove these loathsome apparitions from me", cried Hoofa, as rolls of editing tape danced, multi-coloured around the Royal faces to the James Macca fanfare. But none came. "Loyal forum members, all of you out there! MYKE? CLAUS? um, help? Yikes! "Someone's fucking with me. What do you want? Help, um someone. I'll give you a free AF Spirit remaster? No, fuck it make that a free lunch with yours truly! OK, what do you want? Name your price. Just stop this shit happening, please?"
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Post by Wanklein on Mar 18, 2018 8:25:54 GMT
Meanwhile back in the deep South MYKE was in his workshop polishing and buffering his son's naked butt whilst listening to 'Where We All Belong' by The Marshall Tucker Band. Suddenly there was a knock at the door...
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Post by aaa-appreciator on Mar 18, 2018 10:08:06 GMT
And there stood Jeatletits, covered head to toe in green body paint on account of it being St Patricks Day but coming off more like a slovenly Jabba the Hutt. Under his ham-like arm he clutched a minty fresh collection of the Village People albums. “Hey MYKE, MYKE’s son”, he mumbled. “Where’s the deck? I’ve pushed these rekkids all the way here in a shopping trolley and am ready to party!” “We’re just waiting for BobbyMorrow and Jarleboy to show up”. “In the meantime, look who else has arrived...”
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Post by amygrant on Mar 18, 2018 21:30:41 GMT
Paul McCartney entered the room, his voice raspy from another attempt at singing "Maybe I'm Amazed" in the original key. Jeatleboe could not believe his eyes (much as when he saw his cholesterol stood at over 500 on his most recent lab work). Steve Hoffman reached his hand out to Mccartney and offered him a Vicodin.
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Post by thepeopleschord on Mar 19, 2018 1:20:23 GMT
But Macca just smiled and took STeVe's hand. He said "The lads and I really wanted you to do the Beatles remasters, but Yoko said no, so we gave the job to Martin's kid. STeVe looked up and saw the ghosts of Lennon and Harrison nodding in agreement, but the beatific vision was shattered by . . .
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Post by Sanjay Gupton on Mar 19, 2018 14:17:40 GMT
Tonmeister was visibly shaken, and asked the cock singing man on the flaming pie, "How do I get back to Shiteland? My Gorts have failed me!" Deadeyed, the burning man's cock said, "You've had the way home this whole time. You just need to find what you stole from Juice, and give it back."
Tonmeister closed his eyes, deep in thought or a Vicodin haze.
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Post by krabapple on Mar 19, 2018 23:32:03 GMT
"Juice?" he finally retorted,. "She was a big fan of my equipment profile, if you know what I mean, pal!"
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Flat Transfer
Terry Kath
Providing DR numbers for the EK 34188, DIDP 20006
Posts: 484
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Post by Flat Transfer on Mar 20, 2018 0:49:47 GMT
Everybody in the room couldn't help but chuckle at this quick-witted joke from the brilliant tonmeister.
Then, yet another person entered the room. He introduced himself simply as "Norwood". He spoke: "Steve and I were best friends once. We both worked at a famous record company in the 80s and shared an apartment. We were ambitious and quite successful at what we were doing. Then, one day, all of that ended abruptly. Our house was raided by the feds and hundreds of tape reels and metal parts were confiscated; they were all company property. I had absolutely no knowledge of any of those being there. It was like a bad dream and I remember being in a complete state of shock. Steve was sacked soon after that. I stayed on for a bit longer, but I might as well have quit right after the raid. Few at the company believed in my innocence. I became totally disillusioned and in 1987 I had to leave the music biz forever."
"How dare you! These are completely fabricated lies designed to tarnish my impeccable reputation as an industry big shot. GORTS!!! MARSHALL!!!", cried STeVE.
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Post by audiopro on Mar 24, 2018 21:35:54 GMT
"You're finished," snarled Blowstein. "I'm going to give Bob Wynne a chance. He's good on a computer, and he hardly ever flakes out during studio time." Wynne sat in the corner, staring at the wall, sucking his thumb.
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