Evolvist has some advice for the depressed
Feb 13, 2020 21:22:09 GMT
Post by Mediocrates on Feb 13, 2020 21:22:09 GMT
Short answer: Hookers.
Have you ever thought that being with someone constantly in your life isn't what it's cracked up to be?
Society tells us we must be like X with the white picket fence life, a wife, 2.5 children, and a long ass mortgage, but you know, sometimes once you have all that, you look around and it's all BS, too.
You see these people wearing their smiles in a crowd, with a loved one on their arm, but they're just hiding their pain, as well. Our perspective says they must be happy, yet behind closed doors...? Look out! Daddy has a problem with the sauce. Mother is screwing the pool boy, and little Timmy has just took first hit of meth. They can't even decide what to eat for goddamn supper.
Meanwhile, you, you don't have to answer to anybody. You can go where you want, when you want. Your overhead is lower. Nobody tells you they don't like the record you're playing. And if you're really hard up for companionship, save up for a hooker about once a month, drain the battery, and you'll be golden until the next time you need a fix. No nagging. No headache. It's the perfect romance.
I'm just saying, man, you could be looking at it through the thin end of the optic. Flip it around and you can see how much you have going for you. When you're alone there's more freedom to do what you want, without letting somebody down, or conforming to some tired old paradigm that may have worked for grandad.
Or, if worse comes to worse, you can do something to get yourself locked up in prison (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody), and then you'll never be alone. Hell, you may even find love there.
So, that last bit was a little joke, but the point is, we create our own prisons, because in some way the social norms will dictate the way we're bound. The key to jail is to understand that if captivity can be created, it can also be destroyed. In some way one must tear down those walls. It's paradoxical, in that it's both easy and hard. But nothing ever good has come from the easy way. When you've deconstructed to trappings of your current reality, and come out the other side a free man, you'll look back on your effort with a sense of pride, that you did the hard **** to to live free today.
Society tells us we must be like X with the white picket fence life, a wife, 2.5 children, and a long ass mortgage, but you know, sometimes once you have all that, you look around and it's all BS, too.
You see these people wearing their smiles in a crowd, with a loved one on their arm, but they're just hiding their pain, as well. Our perspective says they must be happy, yet behind closed doors...? Look out! Daddy has a problem with the sauce. Mother is screwing the pool boy, and little Timmy has just took first hit of meth. They can't even decide what to eat for goddamn supper.
Meanwhile, you, you don't have to answer to anybody. You can go where you want, when you want. Your overhead is lower. Nobody tells you they don't like the record you're playing. And if you're really hard up for companionship, save up for a hooker about once a month, drain the battery, and you'll be golden until the next time you need a fix. No nagging. No headache. It's the perfect romance.
I'm just saying, man, you could be looking at it through the thin end of the optic. Flip it around and you can see how much you have going for you. When you're alone there's more freedom to do what you want, without letting somebody down, or conforming to some tired old paradigm that may have worked for grandad.
Or, if worse comes to worse, you can do something to get yourself locked up in prison (as long as it doesn't hurt anybody), and then you'll never be alone. Hell, you may even find love there.
So, that last bit was a little joke, but the point is, we create our own prisons, because in some way the social norms will dictate the way we're bound. The key to jail is to understand that if captivity can be created, it can also be destroyed. In some way one must tear down those walls. It's paradoxical, in that it's both easy and hard. But nothing ever good has come from the easy way. When you've deconstructed to trappings of your current reality, and come out the other side a free man, you'll look back on your effort with a sense of pride, that you did the hard **** to to live free today.
Wait up. Think. Most people come to this thread because they've either suffered from depression or are currently suffering from depression and/or anxiety. I don't imagine there are a lot of lookie-loos posting here.
Therefore, we post what we know, or have tried to work out for ourselves, or are trying to work out for ourselves.
More often than not, when we write, we're writing to yourselves, no matter how deeply we want our fellow person to survive their current bout of funk.
I know that no one school of thought, nor psychological approach is a one-size-fits-all approach, because we are all so different, with multifarious factors that have led to our current states. Do you realize this? Because basically you've just told me that whatever I've concocted to help myself cope is bogus because it doesn't fall under the banner you've just erected above my head.
And, you've basically told the OP, by proxy, how "soul destroying" his situation is. Well, you've just told me that, too, without offering a solution - just another random school of thought.
Well, I've heard about as many schools of thought that I need, until I found that I must construct something for myself. Everything else was a fail. Not that I was offering the OP an absolute, but merely another view that wasn't written as a suggestion, but a simple consideration, as prefaced by my first sentence.
Now, I'm sitting on the toilet, chain smoking, and considering this post, as well as the talk I just had with my wife that left her in tears and me in a funk about what to do for her goddamn birthday, that should be fun, but it isn't, because we've sidled ourselves with a yolk that isn't easily removed.
Right. I feel I'd be better off alone instead of alone in a crowd. My point still stands. We think the grass is greener, and though it may seem like it for a little while, everywhere you go, there you are.
Thanks.
Therefore, we post what we know, or have tried to work out for ourselves, or are trying to work out for ourselves.
More often than not, when we write, we're writing to yourselves, no matter how deeply we want our fellow person to survive their current bout of funk.
I know that no one school of thought, nor psychological approach is a one-size-fits-all approach, because we are all so different, with multifarious factors that have led to our current states. Do you realize this? Because basically you've just told me that whatever I've concocted to help myself cope is bogus because it doesn't fall under the banner you've just erected above my head.
And, you've basically told the OP, by proxy, how "soul destroying" his situation is. Well, you've just told me that, too, without offering a solution - just another random school of thought.
Well, I've heard about as many schools of thought that I need, until I found that I must construct something for myself. Everything else was a fail. Not that I was offering the OP an absolute, but merely another view that wasn't written as a suggestion, but a simple consideration, as prefaced by my first sentence.
Now, I'm sitting on the toilet, chain smoking, and considering this post, as well as the talk I just had with my wife that left her in tears and me in a funk about what to do for her goddamn birthday, that should be fun, but it isn't, because we've sidled ourselves with a yolk that isn't easily removed.
Right. I feel I'd be better off alone instead of alone in a crowd. My point still stands. We think the grass is greener, and though it may seem like it for a little while, everywhere you go, there you are.
Thanks.
Not funny.
It wasn't supposed to be.
Okay. Misogynistic then.
You're reaching. Read back. I never gave a gender to the hypothetical hooker.
I never try to cause any harm, but I've stated that it wasn't intended to me humorous, nor was I being callous or uncaring. Since I wrote my post, the OP has explained a few more things, and so have others. It must be the stigma associated with prostitution in most western cultures that gets a comment like that frowned upon - some sort of Judaeo-Christian leakage, perhaps - but the fact remains, sex releases powerful chemicals in the brain that a lot of pills attempt to mimic. It's the mental block of the supposed taboos, and the question of legality, that makes most people recoil on the topic of prostitution, when in truth prostitution became illegal arbitrarily, much like cannabis, where history dictates the morality, and then people just go along with it, often without questioning why.
In context I was thinking about how sex might do the OP some good if he/she doesn't have a readily available partner. But also, although I haven't visited a prostitute since I was in the service, maybe 1997, I was thinking about my own relationship with my wife, where unfortunately I spend more time jerking off than having sex, even though I have an intimate partner, who should, in theory, be on hand. And that sucks for me, which goes back to my original point, that even if you think you have it all, the brain can still decode that as having nothing, just as much as the person who has nobody. It's not just about sex, of course. I walk into my home and there are my wife and kids with their faces in their smartphones and I feel like a piece of the furniture. I've tried tips and tricks to get us all together, and sometimes they work, and sometimes not, but nothing works, not even a vacation, or a date, has any lasting affect between my wife and I. That's depressing. For the first time in my life I'm actually experiencing boredom. It took 46 years, but now I know what it feels like to be bored. That's depressing, too.
Maybe I should go get a hummer from a hooker; at least that would shake things up in my life. It might break the monotony.
If we're this uptight over something so innocuous as getting some strange tail (which in my opinion should not be illegal, but regulated like in Germany), then perhaps there is no cure for our many depressions, because, as I've intimated in my original post, we're so caught up in what's socially acceptable or not, that some (though not all) of these social regulations hamper more than help us.
As to the OP, as much I would love, love, love to go out and find somebody that would nurture them, care for them, provide intimacy and a tender touch, I can't do that. Nobody can. The best I could offer was a band-aid until their ship comes in. Should I have suggested to masturbate instead? I mean, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm going through my own hangups and funky bouts, so I'm not going to hang some absolutes over their head, and yes, I'll offer some levity, but getting laid wasn't one of those moments (the prison joke was). Or, perhaps my other point was missed, that often when we are writing to somebody else over grave concerns, we are also speaking to ourselves out of own inner needs. Geez, people.
In context I was thinking about how sex might do the OP some good if he/she doesn't have a readily available partner. But also, although I haven't visited a prostitute since I was in the service, maybe 1997, I was thinking about my own relationship with my wife, where unfortunately I spend more time jerking off than having sex, even though I have an intimate partner, who should, in theory, be on hand. And that sucks for me, which goes back to my original point, that even if you think you have it all, the brain can still decode that as having nothing, just as much as the person who has nobody. It's not just about sex, of course. I walk into my home and there are my wife and kids with their faces in their smartphones and I feel like a piece of the furniture. I've tried tips and tricks to get us all together, and sometimes they work, and sometimes not, but nothing works, not even a vacation, or a date, has any lasting affect between my wife and I. That's depressing. For the first time in my life I'm actually experiencing boredom. It took 46 years, but now I know what it feels like to be bored. That's depressing, too.
Maybe I should go get a hummer from a hooker; at least that would shake things up in my life. It might break the monotony.
If we're this uptight over something so innocuous as getting some strange tail (which in my opinion should not be illegal, but regulated like in Germany), then perhaps there is no cure for our many depressions, because, as I've intimated in my original post, we're so caught up in what's socially acceptable or not, that some (though not all) of these social regulations hamper more than help us.
As to the OP, as much I would love, love, love to go out and find somebody that would nurture them, care for them, provide intimacy and a tender touch, I can't do that. Nobody can. The best I could offer was a band-aid until their ship comes in. Should I have suggested to masturbate instead? I mean, if you haven't noticed by now, I'm going through my own hangups and funky bouts, so I'm not going to hang some absolutes over their head, and yes, I'll offer some levity, but getting laid wasn't one of those moments (the prison joke was). Or, perhaps my other point was missed, that often when we are writing to somebody else over grave concerns, we are also speaking to ourselves out of own inner needs. Geez, people.
No one:
Evolvist:
While you may feel comfortable moralizing over people who are in the same boat as you, I feel no such compulsion, and I haven't. I've never claimed that anybody is wrong to feel the way they feel, or somehow screwed up. But that's cool. Honestly, it is. I know you suffer the same as everybody else, so I wouldn't dare cast judgment on you...nor prostitutes. Only on those who would physically and psychologically harm others (though the latter is more difficult to quantify).
If I have any failing here, it would be my trust in mankind that most of do not have murderous intent. Perhaps I'm wrong. I don't mind being wrong, but it wasn't a joke, and I wasn't being callous or misogynistic.
Therefore, let me ask you - or anybody for that matter - if a person came in here and wrote, "I suffer from severe depression. The only time I feel better is if I have sex, and since I don't have a spouse or a significant other, I frequent prostitutes. But I feel bad about going to prostitutes, because it's illegal, and I don't want to break the law. But I don't know what else to do, because masturbation doesn't work for me, only the feel of another person, and how I feel upon climax, seems to work, where I can carry those good feelings with me for days before I fall into another funk. So, should I continue seeing prostitutes (I always practice safe sex, by the way) until I find a significant other, or should I just stay depressed all of the time?"
Because, believe me, if I can think of a person like that, the chances are extremely great that there's a person out there who feels that way, or similar...probably many, just that there are many depressed people in this forum who will not post in this thread for whatever reason: shame, too-close-to-home, what others will think of them, etc.
If I have any failing here, it would be my trust in mankind that most of do not have murderous intent. Perhaps I'm wrong. I don't mind being wrong, but it wasn't a joke, and I wasn't being callous or misogynistic.
Therefore, let me ask you - or anybody for that matter - if a person came in here and wrote, "I suffer from severe depression. The only time I feel better is if I have sex, and since I don't have a spouse or a significant other, I frequent prostitutes. But I feel bad about going to prostitutes, because it's illegal, and I don't want to break the law. But I don't know what else to do, because masturbation doesn't work for me, only the feel of another person, and how I feel upon climax, seems to work, where I can carry those good feelings with me for days before I fall into another funk. So, should I continue seeing prostitutes (I always practice safe sex, by the way) until I find a significant other, or should I just stay depressed all of the time?"
Because, believe me, if I can think of a person like that, the chances are extremely great that there's a person out there who feels that way, or similar...probably many, just that there are many depressed people in this forum who will not post in this thread for whatever reason: shame, too-close-to-home, what others will think of them, etc.