Can someone quote the post for those of us who don't have accounts?
I'm shit at quotes on here, so you'll have to make do with a massive copy and paste!
Leggs91203
Forum Resident
Thread Starter
Years ago I was dating someone on and off (mostly off) for a little over a year. She had a two year old.
A couple months ago we re-connected. We have been dating, and eventually we may get married. We are taking things slow.
So now her son is six years old. Her and the father basically have joint custody. I am aware and experiencing some of the challenges that comes with dating a single mom. I am not going to pretend it is or will be easy. It does help that the father shares custody so my G/F and I have a chance to hang out at times.
Her son seems to like me, as evidenced by him being excited to see me and wanting me to participate in family activities. And to be honest, I really like the little guy. He seems to look up to me. I have raised a kid before so I know how they are. Of course my own "little boy" is over 21.
So in your experience, reader, tell me this -
1) Is it true that single moms tend to be more serious about romantic relationships than single women without kids?
If so...
2) Is this perhaps due to their options being limited (due to raising kids) so when they find someone who they AND their kid(s) can mesh with, they will work hard to make the relationship work?
Sometimes I wonder if things will work out in the long run but this relationship seems to be what she really wants.
Thoughts?
Thursday at 8:34 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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All Down The Line
All Down The Line
Forum Resident
Leggs91203 said: ↑
Years ago I was dating someone on and off (mostly off) for a little over a year. She had a two year old.
A couple months ago we re-connected. We have been dating, and eventually we may get married. We are taking things slow.
So now her son is six years old. Her and the father basically have joint custody. I am aware and experiencing some of the challenges that comes with dating a single mom. I am not going to pretend it is or will be easy. It does help that the father shares custody so my G/F and I have a chance to hang out at times.
Her son seems to like me, as evidenced by him being excited to see me and wanting me to participate in family activities. And to be honest, I really like the little guy. He seems to look up to me. I have raised a kid before so I know how they are. Of course my own "little boy" is over 21.
So in your experience, reader, tell me this -
1) Is it true that single moms tend to be more serious about romantic relationships than single women without kids?
If so...
2) Is this perhaps due to their options being limited (due to raising kids) so when they find someone who they AND their kid(s) can mesh with, they will work hard to make the relationship work?
Sometimes I wonder if things will work out in the long run but this relationship seems to be what she really wants.
Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Yes I have.
1.Yes
2.Yes but you've got to work harder.
3.What do you really want?
Thursday at 9:00 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Khaki F
Khaki F
Forum Resident
I did for a while. It was... different.
Of course the kids did the best they could, but had been through a lot so there was a sort of... I don't know... combination of urgency and testing with my relationship with them. They wanted a father figure, but were used to being abandoned. So they could be real little brats at times, not because they didn't like me, but because they needed to know I wasn't going to abandon them, or if I was, I think they'd prefer sooner rather than later. They were six and eight.
With mom, there was always the question of whether she wanted me, or wanted help with the raising of the kids. I trusted her, and she never gave me cause not to, but it's a different situation than just dating one person. I was more or less dating a family, if you know what I mean. It became really difficult for me when how to manage the kids became an issue. I wanted to be involved with the decision making process, but wasn't given much latitude there. She was the mom in that area, and I was more of her assistant. So I was kind of a parent, but not really.
I broke it off, and that was hard because I was breaking it off with three people, not one. It wasn't for any one reason. I just felt overwhelmed, and that wasn't good for me, or for them. I hope she found someone better, and I hope they're doing well and that the kids grew up okay. Gave it my best, but some things just aren't meant to be.
So there's a little "voice of experience" for you, if that helps at all.
Thursday at 9:08 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Rick Bartlett
Rick Bartlett
Forum Resident
Never really, but could have gone down that path.
I think you really to weigh up the options too as I had to in my mind what I thought
was the right thing to do.
Same deal, I knew a chick who a had a 2 year old kid.
My issues were with the rest of the baggage I was getting myself into.
Her two brothers were druggies and would use their sister to get their stuff.
She smoked, I didn't and cant stand the smell of it on peoples breath.
Her ex-partner was a lunatic, and had intervention orders on him....
I saw him being the problematic pain in the butt he was.
Her mother herself had kids with three different fathers....
I'm a clean and tidy person, where the whole family of hers were pretty messy and untidy and
are really quite 'riff raff'.
I have pretty old fashioned values and morels as well, so it didn't really suit.
A very drama filled family that was intoxicating hearing it all the time.
Yet, she was a great chick and we really clicked.
Those were the things that simply led us down different paths.
I think you do have to be 'all in' or 'not in at all' with that kind of relationship.
So many factors to weigh up.....
Thursday at 9:26 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Rocker
Rocker
Forum Resident
I did it once when I was in my early 20's... don't think I could ever do it again, though. I don't want kids or anything to do with them, especially not someone else's.
Thursday at 9:41 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Leggs91203
Leggs91203
Forum Resident
Thread Starter
All Down The Line said: ↑
Yes I have.
1.Yes
2.Yes but you've got to work harder.
3.What do you really want?
Well, I would like a life partner. In my age group (40's), there are not many women who do not have kids.
I am not going to say I am without concerns. Though things are becoming a bit serious, we have not signed any papers, are not living together, or what not.
I do love this woman but I am under no illusion that it will be like dating a childless woman.
We are taking things one day at a time. I think we would like to, in some strange way, live the entire future right now but of course that isn't possible.
I guess the bad news of dating a single mom are pretty self-evident. I looled through some lists of pros and cons of dating a single mom and they seem pretty accurate even in my limited experience. I think the best part is reading that they are more serious about relationships.
So far, the news on here seems good. I welcome any and all input.
Thursday at 10:05 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Nice Marmot
Nice Marmot
Paddlin’ the school canoe? That’s a paddlin’.
Most women have kids. It’s a fact of life. If you love your girlfriend and think the relationship will go long term and you can have a positive affect on her son, then there isn’t anything wrong with the relationship. Shared custody means a combination of alone time with your girl and family time with the boy; which is a win/win.
I do not have my own kids. Mrs. Marmot has two daughters who are, now, grown and on their own. We’ve been married 19 years. Looking back, the idea of whether or not to have a relationship with a woman with kids is rather trivial, now.
There was drama between the kids and the wife and the ex. He had to be extracted from our lives. We could not be friends with him for the kids sake. Once everyone accepted the relationship was over between he and her, it was smooth sailing.
Thursday at 10:57 PMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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All Down The Line
All Down The Line
Forum Resident
Leggs91203 said: ↑
Well, I would like a life partner. In my age group (40's), there are not many women who do not have kids.
I am not going to say I am without concerns. Though things are becoming a bit serious, we have not signed any papers, are not living together, or what not.
I do love this woman but I am under no illusion that it will be like dating a childless woman.
We are taking things one day at a time. I think we would like to, in some strange way, live the entire future right now but of course that isn't possible.
I guess the bad news of dating a single mom are pretty self-evident. I looled through some lists of pros and cons of dating a single mom and they seem pretty accurate even in my limited experience. I think the best part is reading that they are more serious about relationships.
So far, the news on here seems good. I welcome any and all input.
Click to expand...
All you can do is go with your heart but be under no illusion that you ever come before her kids.
Yesterday at 12:02 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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The Wanderer
The Wanderer
Seeker of Truth
Joint physical custody is unusual unless the two have a cordial relationship, but if it works, it does.
If you both want to be together, don't over-analyze - just make it work and it will.
Yesterday at 12:42 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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prognastycator
prognastycator
Forum Veteran
I recently married the single mom I was dating. She has a 15 year old son who lives with us and another who is married and out of the house. I get along great with her sons. It has some challenges regarding privacy and finances, but the pluses more than compensate.
Yesterday at 1:09 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Oatsdad
Oatsdad
Oat, Biscuits and Abbie: Best Dogs Ever
Leggs91203 said: ↑
So in your experience, reader, tell me this -
1) Is it true that single moms tend to be more serious about romantic relationships than single women without kids?
No. There's no "one size fits all" for women who have or don't have kids.
2) Is this perhaps due to their options being limited (due to raising kids) so when they find someone who they AND their kid(s) can mesh with, they will work hard to make the relationship work?
Not more than women without kids. I've dated childless women who were super-intense about relationships and single moms who were lackadaisical about the whole thing.
There are stereotypes about single moms but they're not accurate in most cases...
Yesterday at 1:34 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Bob_in_OKC
Bob_in_OKC
Forum Resident
I dated a single mom once. We’ve been married for over 20 years. She was fairly practical about dating. If someone didn’t have the potential to be her husband she cut them loose quickly.
Yesterday at 1:39 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Damien DiAngelo
Damien DiAngelo
Forum Resident
My Ex wife was a single mom when we met, and the last lady I dated was a single mom.
Not really a super big deal to me at all.
I was told when I met my wife that if I met her daughter and we didn't get along, I would be out. They were a package deal. Honestly I respected that. It showed me she wasn't willing to just be with anyone regardless of what her kid thought. Her daughter and I hit it off quite well. Now that her mom and I are divorced, and she's fully grown with a family, she still talks to me, and treats me like family. Heck her and I are closer than her and her mom are.
Anyway, If you like her, and you like her kids and they seem to like you, then just go with the flow. You may not be able to go out as often as you'd like, but it goes with the territory. Most do seem to be serious about any relationship. As others have mentioned, single Moms are not all alike. If the one you're dating now doesn't work out, the next one just might.
Yesterday at 1:46 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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milankey
milankey
Forum Resident
Lots and lots of them. The little kids want a daddy figure and they start clamping onto you while sitting on the sofa. Not into that. I'm outta here!
Yesterday at 1:58 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Terrapin Station
Terrapin Station
Forum Resident
Yes, and I've dated married mothers, too. :righton:
Yesterday at 2:01 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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GodShifter
GodShifter
Negative Creep®
Twice earlier on in my life; both women each had a young son. I didn't date either very long, but the experience of kids being around was sometimes awkward. I was much younger and didn't have much experience with children. I think if it were to happen now (it won't) I'd obviously be better with it as I have two of my own.
If my wife were to get into another relationship, I'd hope she'd pick someone that would be good to my children. This individual would never love them like I do, but I'd wish that he'd be a good and kind person to them and as unselfish as possible when it came to their needs.
Yesterday at 2:01 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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GodShifter
GodShifter
Negative Creep®
Terrapin Station said: ↑
Yes, and I've dated married mothers, too. :righton:
That's quite commendable :rolleyes:. Hopefully, you mean they were separated when you were "dating" them.
Last edited: Yesterday at 2:17 AM
Yesterday at 2:02 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Terrapin Station
Terrapin Station
Forum Resident
GodShifter said: ↑
That's quite commendable :rolleyes:. Hopefully, you mean they were separated when you were "dating"them.
Different statuses in different cases.
Yesterday at 2:06 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
CCrider92
CCrider92
Forum Resident
Yes and married her - I'd really have to get my thinking organized to go beyond that. In addition, 2 of my all time best friends are single moms with grown children - when I say friends I mean just that, and we do things together as friends.
Yesterday at 2:09 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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GodShifter
GodShifter
Negative Creep®
Terrapin Station said: ↑
Different statuses in different cases.
Well, I ain't judgin' I guess.
Yesterday at 2:15 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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The Panda
The Panda
Forum Mutant
Married one. I knew the kid would not around forever, and that I had found the right one. He's a PITA to this day, but we are a strong devoted couple 26 years later.
Yesterday at 2:25 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Gary7704
Gary7704
Jesus saves, Esposito scores on the rebound.
Leggs91203 said: ↑
Well, I would like a life partner. In my age group (40's), there are not many women who do not have kids.
I am not going to say I am without concerns. Though things are becoming a bit serious, we have not signed any papers, are not living together, or what not.
I do love this woman but I am under no illusion that it will be like dating a childless woman.
We are taking things one day at a time. I think we would like to, in some strange way, live the entire future right now but of course that isn't possible.
I guess the bad news of dating a single mom are pretty self-evident. I looled through some lists of pros and cons of dating a single mom and they seem pretty accurate even in my limited experience. I think the best part is reading that they are more serious about relationships.
So far, the news on here seems good. I welcome any and all input.
Click to expand...
You are over thinking this. If you like her and feel that you can spend the rest of your life (or a significant amount if time) with her then do it. I was in the same position but with two kids, my focus was on her and it worked out very well with her kids.
Yesterday at 2:36 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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DME1061
DME1061
Forum Resident
Yes I have......34 years ago and married for the last 32 of them. The best experience and decision of my life. My stepson was 3 when we met and not only has he been a great son but my best friend as well. My wife’s ex has always been cool as well.....never interfered (but always in his son’s life with fatherly and financial support) and allowed us to parent. I’m sure our situation is in the minority but between us and his actual father the focus was always on what is best for all involved.
Yesterday at 3:27 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
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Rocker
Rocker
Forum Resident
Leggs91203 said: ↑
In my age group (40's), there are not many women who do not have kids.
This is one of the factors that makes the already-difficult dating world that much harder for someone like me who wants a partner but is adamant about not wanting kids. It greatly narrows down my options, which were already pretty narrow to begin with.
And since I'm almost 41, I can't be dating women any younger than their 30's without seeming like a total creep... :sigh:
Yesterday at 4:39 AMReportLike+ QuoteReply
Oatsdad
Oatsdad
Oat, Biscuits and Abbie: Best Dogs Ever
Rocker said: ↑
This is one of the factors that makes the already-difficult dating world that much harder for someone like me who wants a partner but is adamant about not wanting kids. It greatly narrows down my options, which were already pretty narrow to begin with.
And since I'm almost 41, I can't be dating women any younger than their 30's without seeming like a total creep... :sigh:
Click to expand...
Sure, you can! If a 25-year-old wants to date you, then that's all that matters.
When I was your age, though, I would've found it tough to date anyone younger than 28-29 just due to life differences.
By late 20s/early 30s, you're out of school and probably settled in a career. Younger than that and you're still feeling your way.
As a dirty old man of 52, I love the idea of dating a 25-year-old for physical reasons, but we'd have so little in common that it wouldn't work.
At 41... 25 would've still been tough for those reasons. Late 20s isn't an issue at 41, though...
